So uhm, -cough- how do i start this...hmm...okay.
So basically, I haven't touched this blog in what seems like eons and neither do I have the real mood to actually type some stuff, but here's the thing, it's weird or rather it's too hard to actually be a friend to a person when the person is actually so unhappy with you in the first place and thinks that you are being a hypocrite, it makes it worse that the person always cries and indirects stuff which really makes it hard, SO hard.
Friendship stuff is normal, yea, I know that but it's hard to pretend, tbh, I don't even understand the people now, it's growing even worse than ever before. Trying to persuade the person is hard too and I've actually been in the situation where I'm impossible to persuade, yea, I totally understand my mood swings are unbearable and I tend to flare up at the simplest things, and am emo and stuff, I can actually see this things on my own without anyone having to tell me and I'm sometimes sorry to the people around me, I totally understand that it is really hard and annoying to be around me, so insensitive and shit, but honestly, I don't wanna be this insensitive, at least I wasn't like that in the past. Too many things happened to change me to the person I am now, no one actually knows but I don't actually mind. I'm just trying to be this friend that I thought can cheer people up without having them to PRETEND to laugh at my stupidity and jokes that aren't even that funny.
So, let's say I'm just this tom-boyish person, well, not really but I have a lot of guy friends, and honestly, they're just my friends, but it seems like everyone thinks that nowadays when you talk to a lot of guys and hang out with them you're just this flirty little girl, in fact, that isn't it, if you could see how different sometimes being around guys would be, you would understand the way I feel. I'm a fun-seeker and I like to move, to play, to game, therefore the closeness to the guys, but does anyone actually bother to understand? well, no, not really...
It' s cute how everything just had to blamed on you when you hadn't done anything wrong but just listening to other people's problems can drown you to death. I don't mind lending a listening ear, but it's also somehow quite stupid that you decide to carry them all on your shoulders and be sad for them too and thus affect your own studies. It says a lot really, about everything. It's also quite silly and stupid to get trampled over by people who make you do their homework for them, for so many years now and I still cannot learn to say no, stupid huh? :) Well, I guess this rant might just end here before it gets emotional, thanks for reading and uh, love ya all <3
